Ocarina of Annoyance
by Derriwynn
Summary: Ganondorf lacks musical talent. Zelda has a short temper. Sparks will fly and tempers will flare in this funny, romantic story. Zelda/Ganondorf LEMON.


Author's Notes: This month is the 10th anniversary of Ocarina of Time!!! Yay!!! And just for the hell of it, I wrote a one shot Zelda/Ganondorf smut story!!! Oh yay plz!!! Enjoy, kiddies!

--

Zelda had a headache. A horrible, pounding, headache that radiated throughout her entire body and made her want to die. Or kill. And it was all thanks to a blasted instrument of torture that was reminiscent of howling cats being hung by their toes and skinned. She winced as an obscenely high pitch shriek echoed through the tower.

"Ganondorf, you clearly can't play the Ocarina of Time so give up before I am forced to make this horrid pink diamond explode and cut off your stupid head."

Ganondorf growled at the woman hovering a few feet above him. There was little amusement in her voice and for a moment he actually thought she would make good on her threat. His lips touched the ocarina again, making it scream in agony once more. Zelda clamped her hands over her ears, the sound being too much for her sensitive auditory nerves to handle.

'I swear to Din, if Link doesn't get out of that dungeon soon—gods…I wish I were in that dungeon right now. Of course he can probably hear the infernal noise all the way to the Water Temple. Perhaps I should try blowing this diamond up—what the—??'

"Aaaaahhhhh!"

Zelda hit the floor with a loud 'thunk'. Hauling herself to her feet, she found she was in the shadow of the warlord. He towered over her, tiny ocarina in hand, looking very angry. The princess gritted her teeth and waited for the worst. She would not back down from Lord Ganondorf.

"Zelda…how the hell do you play this thing?" Her brow furrowed and she bit back a snort.

"What? Like I'm really going to tell you!"

'Well…maybe I should. Heaven knows I don't want to be subjected to the sounds of dying animals any more than I have to be. But if I do…the consequences will be dire. Not that this is the best situation to begin with. Damn it, why did Link have to drop the confounded thing in the Lost Woods anyway?!?!'

Ganondorf watched as a myriad of emotions played across the young woman's face. He knew it was only a matter of time before she cracked and showed him how to play the instrument of evil. Either that or she would snap and dismember him, mounting his head on a pole outside of Hyrule Castle. He grimaced at that last thought, hoping for the latter of the two. Cautiously, he lifted the ocarina to his mouth again.

"Don't! Please! Just…give me the damn thing! I can't take the squealing!" Zelda held out her hand, motioning for Ganondorf to set it in her palm. He did just that.

"So…you can play it? Without making it sound like its being brutally tortured?" The princess snorted and nodded.

"Any living creature with half a musical bone in their body could make it sound better than you did. The poor thing was in pain!" Ganondorf glared, pointing at an organ on the opposite side of the room.

"I can play that, princess. That THING you're holding is…is…evil." Zelda burst into a fit of giggles.

"This coming from the Great King of Evil! He can't be beaten by anything but a measly ocarina! Oh Ganondorf, you shame yourself!" She laughed harder at the snarly pout that had formed on his sharp features.

"Oh, and the dear princess thinks she can do better? Prove it, Lady Zelda."

A smug grin appeared on the princess's fair face. She would not back away from any challenge he offered her. She vowed that long ago.

"As you wish, Lord Ganondorf." The intensity burning in her eyes and the way his name rolled off her tongue forced him to hold in a slight shiver. She was everything he had ever desired, strength, courage, and brilliance. Not that she would ever know how he felt. Instead, he resolved to listen intently as Zelda lifted the ocarina to her lips and blew softly. The result was nothing short of divine.

The melody danced over the currents of space and time, suspending everything in that moment. The princess's eyes closed. She was allowing herself to get lost in the music, become one with the beautiful notes that flowed freely from the ocarina. Ganondorf was hypnotized by her beauty and the beauty of the music she was creating.

Suddenly, his former thoughts of domination, of pulling the Triforce of Wisdom out of the woman it dwelled in, seemed inferior to the pent up emotions coursing through his blood. He wanted—nay—needed her. They were bound together as two bearers of a sacred artifact, but they had become more than that. He was fire and she was air, her breath could extinguish him just as it could fuel him.

Zelda still had her eyes closed when she felt Ganondorf's arm wrap around her waist. She jumped, dropping the ocarina to the floor.

"Ganondorf…what are you doing?" He nuzzled her neck, feeling her racing pulse thumping through her pale skin. She was intoxicating to him, fueling his desire rather than extinguishing it.

"Am I doing something you don't like? I can stop, Zelda, if that is your wish." The ache in his soul as well as in his groin pleaded otherwise. She shook her head.

"Don't stop…please?"

Ganondorf smiled against her hair.

"As the lady wishes."

Zelda shifted a bit, lulling her head to the side to give him better access to her neck. He brushed her golden tresses over her shoulder, planting open mouthed kisses from her jaw to her shoulder. She twisted slightly in his grip, her face growing hot as he lightly ran his teeth over the cord of her neck.

"Zelda, look at me." Her eyes locked on to the bright gold ones of the demon king's. "Zelda, if we do this, there is no going back, do you understand me? I will not allow the hero to take you away. You will belong to me, before Hyrule, before the goddesses. You will be mine, princess. Can you accept that?"

"I can, Lord Ganondorf." With that, he crushed her to him, devouring her mouth in a starving man's kiss. She stood on tiptoe, threading her fingers through his coarse red hair as his kisses once again returned to her throat. He pulled on the back of her dress, willing the strings to give way to his intruding hands. Zelda gasped as his fingers danced lightly along her spine, sending shivers through her body, making her press harder against him.

Ganondorf felt the woman trembling below him. It was one of the few times he felt power beyond what the goddess's left in him. With a low growl, he grabbed the princess's wrist and dragged her out of the highest wing of the castle and into his room on the fourth floor.

The moment the door had slammed, Zelda's dress had been pulled from her body. She had no idea garments could come off as quickly as they did, and soon she was left wearing only her crown and shift. Ganondorf fingered the lace at the top of the gown, slowly sliding the fabric down her slim shoulder. She blushed as Ganondorf's lips caressed her arm. She had no idea someone revered as the King of Evil could be so gentle.

Soon the princess was clad only in her crown, the weight feeling tremendous on her frame. She blushed brightly as Ganondorf studied the curve of her neck, her breasts, her stomach. He smiled, sensing that she was uncomfortable. He knelt in front of her, his eyes bright with mischief. Dipping his head, he flicked his tongue over the tips of her breasts, causing her to cry out in pleasure and pull on his hair.

"The princess likes that, I take it?" Zelda nodded, her eyes closing as his teeth bit down lightly, pulling moans from her. "I think I know something else you will like, but first…"

Ganondorf stood, removing his armor along with the rest of his clothing. Zelda stood dumbstruck, gawking at his tan muscles that shimmered in the dim light. He chuckled lightly before pushing her lightly back onto the bed, his weight falling on top of her. Her hands wandered over his torso before she pushed up and pressed a kiss to his lips. He deepened the kiss as his hand pushed her legs apart, his fingers finding her most sensitive area. She gasped into his mouth, arching hard against him, feeling his straining desire against her stomach. His fingers played further down her body, pushing inside her, causing her to throw back her head and push her throat against his mouth. He willingly accepted the offer, tasting her salty skin and relishing in her breathy pleas. He pushed deeper inside and stopped, though, causing her to whine in protest.

"Wh—why did you stop?" Ganondorf quirked an eyebrow at her; and then it dawned on her. "Horseback riding accident when I was ten…broke my innocence…" Ganondorf smiled and nodded.

"Well, it will make everything less painful for you now." He kissed her deeply before plunging inside of her, causing her to moan loudly and grip his shoulders tightly. He set up a slow, deep pace, enjoying the way her nails bit into his shoulders every time he pushed deeper. Soon, though, they both needed more, and Zelda's begged him to go faster. He obliged.

"Oh gods, Ganondorf…" He growled, her words pushing him to the point of breaking. Zelda's walls began to flutter around him, gripping him like a band of steel. With one final push, Zelda's world blew apart, her walls clamping down on him, causing him to follow her over the edge. She panted, the aftershocks making her tremble as he collapsed fully on top of her. They lay like that for a while until Zelda started giggling.

"What? What's so funny?" Zelda gave him a bright smile.

"The fact that your fingers were so clumsy with the ocarina, but they worked like magic a few minutes ago. Apparently you do have some skill."

Ganondorf gave her a wicked grin before kissing her fully on the mouth.

"You know, my dear, I might not be able to figure out that blasted ocarina, but I can certainly play your body like a lute."

Zelda gave him an equally wicked smile.

"Oh really? Well, a great musician must practice often."

Ganondorf flipped her on top of him, tangling his fingers in her long blonde locks. He gave her a devilish smile.

"Ah, dear Zelda, I believe you are right. Now, shall we practice some more?"

Zelda giggled, running her fingers down his chest.

"Yes, Lord Ganondorf, I believe we shall."


End file.
